KayakForCare! In the Spirit of Compassion and Adventure...

In Loving Memory of Ella Hickey-Hinds... 

The following letter was sent from our friends Tom and Shannon, shortly after their baby girl Ella lost her fight with cancer:

Soooo sadly, we are writing to inform our loving, supportive community that Ella passed away Saturday, May 26th at 8:45pm. I held her tenderly on my lap and in my arms and Tom sat next to us, holding the hand of our precious, beautiful daughter.

Before we let her go, Tom and I had some alone time with Ella and though she was in a coma and it sometimes seemed that her spirit was not in her body, we thought of every last thing we needed to tell her, as her loving parents, to prepare her body and spirit for this difficult journey and to prepare ourselves for our inevitable, impossible loss. Although she was so strong and her body endured and fought so hard up until the end, my personal belief is that our spirit and soul does not find this journey from life difficult, rather filled with awe and joy.
 
After she passed, Tom and I found so much comfort in ceremoniously bathing Ella's body, washing away all the evidence of her hospital stays so that her ivory skin was beautiful and perfect. We put her in one of her classic Ella outfits with her coral-colored, cotton cloche—one of her many treasured hats—and surrounded her with her beloved Gossie, Monkeys, and the little pillow that she napped on every day at her loving daycare. Tom laid a flower garland above her head beside a silver-framed picture of her smiling, happy self. We then invited family and friends to come and say one last goodbye, surrounding her body in a circle of love, while taking heart in the image that her spirit was simultaneously being surrounded and supported by her eternal, loving spirit family. She looked so peaceful. It also felt as though any minute she might get up and start playing, flashing us her beautiful smile.

I've never really understood laying a body out for a viewing and always thought it was a strange human ritual because the spirit was gone and the body was just a shell. But I understand intimately now how it can help in the process of acceptance and letting go.

That said, as you all can imagine it seems impossibly difficult to let her go. I mourn so deeply for the loss of my baby girl until I am numb and exhausted and fall into bed and then the process starts all over again as soon as the light of day enters our room. I can't believe that she is gone. My very good friend, whose mother lost two children, told me that we will never get over the loss of Ella but that in time it will become easier. That time is definitely not now.

One thing we have found comfort in—thanks to so many of you who have shared your love, support and experiences on these care pages—is the realization that though Ella only lived for two short years, her life and story have touched and inspired so many people. I believe that is what she came here to do.

And although it is impossible to understand how this could happen, we have had our faith in humanity strengthened by all of you who have reached out to us with your help and support and love. We will never forget how much you gave to us and Ella.

There will be a Celebrate Ella's Life service this Thursday, May 31st at 11 a.m. in Davis, followed by a potluck at the same as-yet-unannounced location. Afterwards, we invite anyone who wishes to gather at our house to join us. We have a location for the service selected, but because it is Memorial Day and government offices are closed, we are not sure that it is available. Therefore, we'll have to post the location here as soon as we can. For our local friends, we'd like to ask for some help with food one last time by bringing some dishes for the potluck.

We want the service to focus on the joy that Ella gave us in life. We'll provide opportunities for anyone who wishes to share memories to speak during the service or to write in a memory book. Anyone that has photos or other mementos that they would like to bring are encouraged to do so, including children who may want to bring a stone or treasure or something else they want to give to say goodbye.

It's really important to us that Ella's little friends are invited. Below is a link that may make it easier to share the news with your children. Please feel free to bring them if you feel comfortable doing so.
 
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html

With love, Shannon and Tom

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